girl participates in ill-advised race, suffers consequences

:bear: :bear: :bear: :bear:

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/450061.html

:bear: :bear: :bear: :bear:

(hopefully shes ok)

Tarck bear strikes back!! :bear:

[color=#0000BF]“A midnight race along a salmon stream is probably a pretty bad idea when the salmon are there,” Sinnott said. [/color]

Ya think??

Boy am I glad I’m a 90% urban cyclist cause it seems like bears and bikes don’t mix these days. California was kind enough to kill off all it’s state animal to protect poor defenseless bike riders, HAHA. I’ll take my chances with cars, peds and streetcar tracks, thanks. Next time somebody gives me shit for wearing a helmet I’m telling them about the fact that they save you from death by bear, as well as all the other more obvious benefits. Hope she’s going to be ok.

I’m on my way to alaska right now…I don’t plan on going mountain biking at midnight.

FUCK!

Be [tarck] bear aware!

i came within about 50ft of a bear when i was in alaska a few years ago. needless to say i ran the fuck out of there.

TARCKBEAR works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.

Damnit, why haven’t people listened to Colbert???

Bears people, Bears!!!

Since bears are afraid of deer I know I’m safe. I went for a ride on Thursday and passed 3 deer who were all within 15 feet of me – one was about 5 feet away and barely cared when I rode by. They’re like natural, white-tailed protection.

A few years ago the Governor General Awards were handed out (this is in Canada) and they are often handed out to citizens who showed extreme bravery in emergency situations. You know how it is; there will be a 10 year old kid who saved his whole family by waking them up during a house fire and getting them to safety, etc.

Well, I wasn’t really watching it, it was on TV but in the background, right? It was just the announcer yapping away until I heard “Joe Blow who saved his friend from a grizzly bear attack!” and that caught my attention because fuck, grizzlies are seriously fucking insanely fucked up creatures to get away from, they are, quite literally, the sharks of the land. Getting away from them just doesn’t happen, they eat you whole, you know? So, the announcer begins to tell this guy’s story: “He was out in the mountains picking mushrooms with his friend when his friend was attacked by a grizzly. Joe Blow bravely fought the 12 foot high bear off with a stick!”. I am thinking “Wow, this dude is very brave. He must be like Stallone back in his Cobra days, really hard and a tough dood”.

Well, they bring this guy out to get the award and he is the dirtiest, gnarliest wispy little hippy guy I have ever seen! He must have weighed 100lbs and he had a full-on beard and he didn’t even comb his hair, he looked terrible. He had that wide-eyed look too that stoners get when you tell them the cops are outside…he was really ansty looking and just quietly walked up and accepted his award and then did a 180 and walked back, he seemed really nervous and at unease.

It was then that I remembered what the announcer had said earlier----“picking mushrooms”------this fucking hippie was out in the hills around Vancouver picking magic mushrooms when he probably saw his friend, in his mind, being attacked by Barney the fucking dinosaur or Big Bird or some fucking weird elf, not a goddamned fucking brown land-shark of the north. In his mind, he was fighting a forest-fairy or a gnome or Mr. Rogers and his stick was a big loaf of bread or a bag of Cheetoes (hippies always have the munchies, even in their hallucinations) and there was no danger at all, just a dood in a bear suit harshin’ on his groove, y’know? I think that it was just at the awards ceremony that he found out what he had fought off. Up until then, he thought it was all a hallucination. Seriously, the dood looked so surprised, I think he shat his pants.

LMAO… ah, what a way to go to bed.

Funny, I picked up on the “picking mushrooms” bit the first time I read it.

[quote=“I-punch-you-mouth”]A few years ago the Governor General Awards were handed out (this is in Canada) and they are often handed out to citizens who showed extreme bravery in emergency situations. You know how it is; there will be a 10 year old kid who saved his whole family by waking them up during a house fire and getting them to safety, etc.

Well, I wasn’t really watching it, it was on TV but in the background, right? It was just the announcer yapping away until I heard “Joe Blow who saved his friend from a grizzly bear attack!” and that caught my attention because fuck, grizzlies are seriously fucking insanely fucked up creatures to get away from, they are, quite literally, the sharks of the land. Getting away from them just doesn’t happen, they eat you whole, you know? So, the announcer begins to tell this guy’s story: “He was out in the mountains picking mushrooms with his friend when his friend was attacked by a grizzly. Joe Blow bravely fought the 12 foot high bear off with a stick!”. I am thinking “Wow, this dude is very brave. He must be like Stallone back in his Cobra days, really hard and a tough dood”.

Well, they bring this guy out to get the award and he is the dirtiest, gnarliest wispy little hippy guy I have ever seen! He must have weighed 100lbs and he had a full-on beard and he didn’t even comb his hair, he looked terrible. He had that wide-eyed look too that stoners get when you tell them the cops are outside…he was really ansty looking and just quietly walked up and accepted his award and then did a 180 and walked back, he seemed really nervous and at unease.

It was then that I remembered what the announcer had said earlier----“picking mushrooms”------this fucking hippie was out in the hills around Vancouver picking magic mushrooms when he probably saw his friend, in his mind, being attacked by Barney the fucking dinosaur or Big Bird or some fucking weird elf, not a goddamned fucking brown land-shark of the north. In his mind, he was fighting a forest-fairy or a gnome or Mr. Rogers and his stick was a big loaf of bread or a bag of Cheetoes (hippies always have the munchies, even in their hallucinations) and there was no danger at all, just a dood in a bear suit harshin’ on his groove, y’know? I think that it was just at the awards ceremony that he found out what he had fought off. Up until then, he thought it was all a hallucination. Seriously, the dood looked so surprised, I think he shat his pants.[/quote]

You are weird

That’s probably the funniest thing I’ve heard for a long time. It reminds me of some of the stories from the Vice Story issue, in the drug section. Good Lord.

Again…if we had proper tarckbear T-shirts, this wouldnt have happened. :bear:

Bears are afraid of deer? Really? Ive seen my share of black bears around here, and i see deer almost every day around here. They’re so used to cyclists they dont even bother looking at us anymore, people just ride right by them.

Hell, around here you couldent scare a bear by riding up to him on the back of deer covered in bear bells.

[quote=“carail”]Bears are afraid of deer? Really? Ive seen my share of black bears around here, and i see deer almost every day around here. They’re so used to cyclists they dont even bother looking at us anymore, people just ride right by them.

Hell, around here you couldent scare a bear by riding up to him on the back of deer covered in bear bells.[/quote]
“The bear ran away after the accident when a deer appeared.”

My grandmother likes to tell a story:

Magnus Arnold (my great grandfather) is walking in the woods in nothern Wisconsin when he comes across a lumberjack locked in mortal combat with a brown bear. Magnus, a 120 pound small town newspaper editor, picks up an axe and splits the head of the bear. He helps the lumberjack back to town and is promptly arrested for hunting out of season.
There was an artical in the newspaper and everything.

I’ve had a few encounters with bears as I spend a lot of time in the wooded areas.

Bears are to be treated with a great deal of respect.

Also if you’re in the woods and come across some semi fresh bear shiat and stop seeing other animal shiat you’d best keep your eyes and ears open for friends. They’re smart, can smell you from hella far away and will stalk you in circles.

[quote=“SteveSentMe”][quote=“carail”]Bears are afraid of deer? Really? Ive seen my share of black bears around here, and i see deer almost every day around here. They’re so used to cyclists they dont even bother looking at us anymore, people just ride right by them.

Hell, around here you couldent scare a bear by riding up to him on the back of deer covered in bear bells.[/quote]
“The bear ran away after the accident when a deer appeared.”[/quote]

“This bear looked at me with a look of terror on his face and sort of made a noise,” said Egan. “I looked at him with a look of terror and we went, ‘aaaahhhhh.’”

i lol every time i read that

You actualy believe that story?
dude hits a BEAR riding his bike 45MPH and his bike is OK, and says I HOPE MY KIDNEYS ARE OK TO DONATE.