he deserves his own thread
Jens no longer has a shadow because he dropped it repeatedly until it climbed into the Saxo Bank team car claiming a stomach ailment and retired
Jens once challenged Lance Armstrong to see who had more testicles. Jens won by 5
Jens Voigt doesn’t get road rash, the road gets Jens Rash
Jens Voigt eats steak before every single ride. Most times he forgets to kill the cow
If by some incredible space-time paradox Jens could ever race himself, he would win
It is fact that the air within 30cm of Jens’ body remains at a constant 18 degrees C
Jens Voigt can touch MC Hammer
Jens once had a heart attack on the Tourmalet. Jens counterattacked repeatedly and beat the mountain into submission.
SaxoBank mechanics removed the brake calipers from all of Jens Voigt’s bikes when it was discovered that nothing can slow him down
Jens Voigt puts the “laughter” in “Manslaughter.”
Jens Voigt climbs so well for a big guy because he doesn’t actually climb hills; the hills slink into the earth in fear as they see him approach.
Jens was a math prodigy in elementary school, putting “Attack!” in every blank space on all his tests. It would be the wrong answer for everybody else, but Jens is able to solve any problem by attacking.
Eddy Merckx was actually a neo-pro at the same time as Jens, but Jens dropped him so hard that he shot backwards in time to the 1960′s, where he became a great champion.
If Jens Voigt was a planet, he’d be the World of Hurt.
The first time man split the atom was when the atom tried to hold Jens Voigt’s wheel, but cracked.
Jens Voigt doesn’t complain about what suffering does to him… but suffering constantly complains about getting picked on by Jens Voigt.
Jens Voigt rides so fast during attacks, that he could circle the globe, hold his own wheel, and ride in his own draft. At least as long as he didn’t try to drop himself.
Jens Voigt nullified the periodic table because he doesn’t believe in any element, other than the element of surprise.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Jens Voigt has been riding on the other side in which case it’s white with the salty, dried tears of all the riders whose souls he has crushed.
Jens’ legs are hairless because hair can’t grow on steel.
“don’t say Jens Fuck”…“it always sounds like that when you danish people talk”
“i get paid to hurt other people, how good is that! I get paid to make other people suffer on my wheel, that’s good”
